~the crucial 15 weeks~

My Selangor’s move has postponed to 15 weeks later.
I am not sure this is a good or a bad idea to me.

I need to have faith, but at the same time, I am also aware that there are a lot of circumstances that could change the faith level, and things might not turn out as what we planned, even promises has been made, but it’s just human nature to break every promise.

I am trying to stay strong, you have no idea how freaking hard was that.
I am trying very hard to stay positive.
I am trying to confine the evil thought in me that was so strong.
I have swinging mood and thought all the time.
I am confused, which one of them is me.
I am… I don’t know what am I thinking anymore.
I just want and have great hope on hope things turn out great in the future.
I just wanted to sweep all cockroaches out from my house and my life.
And the annoying flies, and also maggots and ants.

Sometimes, I wish to erase the history, my history. There was some time I would like to re-write to make things better, not that my life is completely screwed, it’s actually getting better now. But…. Just too many uncertainties still, I have no idea how to deal with the them. 1 step wrong, I might lose in the battle, and I am so not ready to lose in the battle. It’s a must win war!

I know life is just a process, it’s all about experiencing, we learn and grow in the process and met one or two bitches who think they have the right to ruin your life because they think they have every selfish right to pursue their own dreamed life and sacrifice yours.

Sometimes I would just want to press the fast forward to the end of my life to have a peek in the future or just jump out from the building and call it an end. JUST KIDDING! Even life has been a bitch to me; at least I need to be kind to myself.

Counting down starts
15 weeks
105 days
2520 hours